when the anxiety kicks in…

i hate the nights where i’m laying in bed and i catch myself balling my eyes… why? because my anxiety decides it wants to act up the minute i want to lay down and rest. these are the nights i wish anxiety didn’t exist. i hate when it gets the best of me and i…

fighting anxiety without medication

i’ve always been in denial that i suffer from anxiety and so i fight it off myself. but lately it’s out of control to where i cannot sleep. i don’t want my body to depend on a pill to control my emotions so instead i do things to keep myself busy. it usually wears off…

heaven 

often times I imagine heaven as this long path where there is only sunshine and happy people. but when I look up to sky and see the pretty pink and warm clouds it changes my picture of heaven. it’s every single time my heart begins to ache for you that the sky turns into these…

6 girls & mom against the world 

ever since our dad past away it was literally us against the world. I could never ever repay my mom for all that she has done for us. we may not have it all but she has sure made it feel like it. mom I could never thank you with gifts or words for all…

new year me me? no just a better version of myself.

I don’t like that saying “new year new me.” I hear it every year and it’s kinda getting old. so lately I’ve been working on myself a whole lot more. it scares me when I start to think about the old me. how could anyone ever want to be around me ever. lol. every day…

depressed mess? sure feels like it 

my whole blog may make you think I’m some crazy depressed hot mess… but I’m really not! I promise. my days usually start of perfectly fine. I try to wake up with a positive mind set every morning and usually as my day progresses that’s when it changes. today started off really good and then…

no regrets 

I use to live my my life full of regrets. I’d do something and then regret it. I’d something else and regret it. until I met someone who worth not regretting. it was almost as if I needed to meet this person to realize you don’t need to regret everything you do in life. life…

alone time 

we all need some alone at some point. my alone time often leads into deep thinking and a few tears. I’m able to think back on my day and think about how I  can make tomorrow a better day. some days like today I feel like just keeping to myself. hiding is okay. reality sometimes…

company vs. leave me alone 

ever have those days where you just want to be left alone without hurting anyone else’s feelings? it’s never easy and I don’t think I’ve ever told someone leave me alone. today was one of those days where any message that came through bugged me. I just didn’t care to hear from anyone or care…

anxiety….

have you ever had anxiety so bad that you literally have to lay down because you feel that attacked? I have some off the strangest things that give me anxiety.. it literally eats me alive. and I hate it so much!! a room full of a lot of people gives me anxiety. I’m actually really…

loving little ones

I don’t have kids of my own but it sure feels like it. if I could have one of my own I would probably already have one. but unfortunately I’m financially stable to raise a kid. so instead I nanny. I’m a full time nanny for my sister and on the weekends I dedicate my…

fearless 

I was never a fan of tattoos and it’s not that I didn’t like them or thought they were dumb. I simply just didn’t care to have one. until I decided I needed one on my body to represent my past and something that I knew when I was sad I could look down on…